Certain circumstances and situations get you thinking. Get you thinking about what you want, and where you want to be. But sometimes you can’t always plan what will happen. Like the famous line says, “life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.”
Even some of the most practical people can be in a situation that they would have never expected. And sometimes that holds true for relationships.
We critique what others are doing, and claim we wont put ourselves through something like that, but we ourselves don’t even realize it when we are caught up in a similar situation. ahh yes the irony!
But overtime I have observed people in and out of relationships, and I have to wonder – do sometimes people just like the excitement of getting involved with someone who they think will be a challenge? A story of two people who could have never made it, but did? And how often does that challenging relationship even come out to be a victorious one?
In simple words, are some people just looking for an epic love story?
We see it all the time, in movies, TV Shows, etc. Two opposites eventually make this epic story with a sacrifice, and what is called, a journey of “real” love. This can really get you thinking! Are some people just in love with the person, or are they in love with the idea of an epic story with a person who things seem impossible with.
Time after time, we see these epic tales of love, do these tales some how impact the mind without it even knowing? Do some people think that they are the tragic hero or heroine of their own failed relationship?
Some people I know kind of fit this scenario perfectly!
Decisions, decisions, decisions – the ones we intentionally make that impact us forever, the ones that happen in the spur of the moment, the ones we wish we had made, and the decisions that we don’t even realize we made and later get us thinking, “what the hell was I thinking?”
It is said that what we do today, and the way we act can determine the path of our life in the future. Our actions and decisions set us up for the negativity or the positivity that we allow to come into our lives. If you haven’t been able to guess it just yet – well, by all of this I am referring to the post topic for today – Karma!
The concept was always interesting to me. It’s simple, be nice to others and don’t intentionally hurt someone and good things will come to you. Yes, patience is a virtue, but what if you have been nice to others your whole life and still have gone through a lot of pain and heart ache.Yes, eventually the challenges in your life help you become stronger and pave way for a brighter future.
But is there a such thing as relationship Karma? And is it true, does what goes around really come back around?
Do our actions while we are in a relationship determine what we get back? You broke someones heart because you were young and immature, and have moved on in life. Can the ghost of your relationship past come back to haunt you in your ever so happy present?
Or maybe someone has broken your heart, and you are waiting, waiting for the day revenge strikes back and boooom hits them in the face. Oh come on, everyone secretly wishes for it, some openly do! But when you stop caring about revenge hitting someone back, you stop caring about that person, and when Karma slaps them in the face you probably wont even care. Or at least might get some giggles out of it, for old times sake.
Everyone is set to meet their fate. But what is interesting is how our actions can determine what comes our way. Forgetting about what we have done wrong is very common, but remembering the wrong that happened to us is something we live with forever. See we are bias towards ourselves.
So if you realize you made a mistake and want to fix it, how in the world are you suppose to to do it without having to worry about karma getting at you first? Well chances are it wont get at you until you are all happy and forget about the wrong that you committed. I don’t know the solution maybe a good old apology, forgiven or not. Or acknowledging that you did something wrong.
But can it be that easy to escape your past ghosts? Probably not.
So I suppose we need to grow up, realize our own mistakes first, because we probably wont easily forgive others (depending on the circumstances), and learn to move on.
Because at the end of the day you never know – what goes around comes back around…
They say, with age comes wisdom. But in my case, I think it has just brought a whole lot of confusion. I personally don’t want to disclose my age, but let’s just say that my birthday is approaching, and boom before you know it, another number will slap me behind my head and indirectly say, “ok now do something more with your life.”
I know, I know, at the end of the day age is just a number, but at the end of the year, it is a number bigger then it was the year before. The thought remains in the back of your head, and you have to wonder, where am I going, what am I doing with my life, and um is this really where I want to be? Ummmm WHO AM I?
Ok so maybe I’m exaggerating with the, who am I, question. But just thought it would help get the point across. And no, I’m not having a midlife crisis. I’m not at that age just yet, but it is interesting to wonder, what has this specific age brought for us?
The Personal Experience
As we get older, well we just get older, but not going to lie, we do learn a lot. I can hands down say, that the last 2 years of my life have been nothing less then twists and turns, you know like the roller coaster in one of my past posts. Here:The Relationship Roller Coaster. This past year, as in my past age, no wait current age which will soon come to an end (dumm dum dumm — yes I can try to make my age remain a mystery, even though I’m honestly not getting that old) has been absolutely amazing! And I think part of that was because I learned so much from the year before that.
The Concerns: Relationships
But now as the new number approaches, it becomes more important to figure things out, that you have been trying to stay far away from. I mean being a desi girl that’s getting older, can actually suck at times. And I know other girls can vouch for that. Pretty soon your parents are going to say, “so beta not much longer and soon you will have to get married. Better clean up your life, and learn how to cook.”
But in today’s date girls like me, desi or not, are more career minded. Because well that’s just how we have been brought up. So umm the mention of the word marriage, just makes me want to run. Not at the marriage age just yet, either. LOL. And umm the thought of me cooking, makes me want to save up for a life time supply of out of the box dinners, or a personal chef (which probably wont ever happen). Because honestly me cooking can result in very bad outcomes, unless of it is maggie noodles, or umm mac and cheese, or yeah something else out of the box with step by step how to heat and cook instructions on it, which I follow strictly.
But as we get older, so do the people we know. Some are getting married, some want to, some have, and then there are those people that have been ready to for pretty much their whole lives. You know the girls that were born to be the perfect wives, moms, and yeah everything else. The ones that can cook without having to follow step by step directions on the out of the box dinner from stop and shop.
Girls younger then me are getting married, older then me are against it, and um my age, are at the local bar not really caring. Gosh everything is so twisted these days!
The Concerns: Career
But moving from relationships (yes I’m actually switching to another subject), to um career. We are working hard and are striving to become strong and independent. Actually most of us are independent. But then there are times you have to think to yourself, “man is this really where I should’ve been by the time I reached this age? I should’ve gotten so much further by now, and I haven’t. Damnit why is it taking so long to get to my goal?!?” But then you also have consider the terrible economy, and job situation, and go a little easy on yourself. Hehe, make yourselves feel a little better that way.
End with a Philosophical Thought…
I mean everyone has that chance, that opportunity, that changes everything, right? And at the right time, comes the right chance. (that would be the philosophical thought of the day).
So with age comes wisdom to an extent I think, but also comes confusion. And sometimes as we try to solve through the confusion we just end up confusing ourselves more then we were before the whole situation began. But at the end of the day, age is just a number, it might be a number that grows with time, but shouldn’t be the reason we put so much pressure on ourselves. Because that’s what we do.
Some people, I don’t know why, make a whole time table of their life. For example, someone saying, “I want to be married by 26, have kids by 29, and then get a family dog at 30, and then want a new job by 32, and then um maybe have another child by 33, but wait that wont work cause I will get a new job by 32, and sooo on and so forth.” It never ends! So why do people plan? We are only setting ourselves up for disappointment, if our plans don’t quite work out as planned. Yes, time is of the essence, but not so much where we worry constantly about our future and forget to enjoy present.
It’s important to plan things but when those plans start to take over our minds and life, well it can get to be a bit too much. So we need to relax our mind and take things in one day at a time. = )
So the past few days have been extremely chaotic. With no time to myself, and no time to think. And I am a person that likes creative inspiration, so I have something new to write about, and interesting new ideas. For that I usually need some time in solitude.
But today as I was going about my regular routine schedule. Driving to work in the morning, I decided to notice the little things. See now I work in desiville – Edison. So you notice some very interesting things and people.
As I was driving by, I looked at the aunty walking alone in her white saree, with of course sneakers. Even though it is like 90 degrees outside. A random man running, for some unknown reason, he just kept on running. And then the only unbrown man walking his giant dog. The dog that was probably bigger then me. So you can imagine. And no, I’m not some crazy creeper for noticing and remembering all of this, I promise! Just thought it was interesting, watching other people go about their routine, while I was going about mine, and then writing about it. LOL
No connection to anyone, just a new morning, a new day. Actually I should say, a new Monday and this was at 9:30 in the morning and I was starting to feel like a weirdo for noticing some random people on the street. LOL but unfortunately, still had no inspiration.
So after getting to work, I was in a serious mood to get inspired. But still no creative inspiration. Why is it, that sometimes you just want to be inspired so bad, but can’t or don’t know how? It’s just something that needs to come to you. So today I decided, inspiration or no inspiration, I need and want to write! So I’m sitting here listening to “yeh dooriyan” from love aaj kal on my sexy iPhone, whose battery will die quicker then it should because I’m listening to music, and shit just realized I didn’t bring my charger, oh well will steal someones at work (those would be my thoughts written out that make no grammatical sense, what so ever, but that’s ok.). See so many distractions while I’m trying to think of what to write. I start thinking about my phones battery life.
Hmm it’s like a terrible writer’s block. Only with just the desire to want to write. Not many people I know are even having relationship problems these days, I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s a good thing lol. And it’s the summer time, people are happy for the most part. I’m trying to take in as much of this weather as I can before well, it gets cold again.
So the look out for inspiration continues today. Let’s see if something hits me. In the mean time this post has been summed up. It might be to be continued with a part 2, hmm who knows?
But let’s end it with a question, that I need an answer for. How do you get inspired??
Every new day brings something – unseen, unheard of, something new. Each morning when we wake up, we open our eyes and get to our regular routine. Wake up, brush our teeth, jump into the shower, get ready, drink our morning coffee/tea, and start another day. So in this busy schedule when do we have the chance to witness the new, the unseen or unheard of? We are so caught up in our day to day life that we forget to take to the little bit of time we need off to see something new in the world.
Sooo I have decided to start a journal section on my blog, which will sum up the little unnoticed things. I wanted to take a different approach and focus it on the day to day life of the South Asian desi girl, but for now I’m not to sure. So I guess we will just see where this goes. So here it is – the think radikal Journal = )
Life definitely comes with its on little twists and turns. It isn’t a game that we can either win or lose, and it definitely isn’t something we can plan accordingly. And there are times when we just wish there was a manual or direction guide to help us get through some of lifes bumps and hurdles, The Guidebook. And it could tell us if we should connect Part A to B or to C.
But unfortunately, The Guidebook, doesn’t exist. So therefore we make our own manual, which we follow and change from time to time. New rules get added in and old ones, well they get deleted. So sometimes in our lowest moments we look for some — it’s meant to mean…, hidden sign to make ourselves feel better, and the journey feel a little less complicated.
So is it possible for some hidden unknown force from the universe to give us a sign on what we are meant to do in our life? You meet someone you think you can get along with, but then all of the sudden slip and fall and hurt yourself. Sign or not?
Some people believe in horoscopes, astrology, and psychics (umm many desi parents for example. LOL). Aren’t those all put in place to give us this form of guidance? We say we make our own rules, but the people who follow these things strictly, allow it to sort of take control of the situation. While others who think all of it is a joke…well I don’t know I don’t have a rebuttal for the people who think it’s a joke. hmmm… ok anyways…
Signs are meant to guide us when we are confused and help us feel better when things seem not right and everyone seems annoying. But how seriously should one take a sign? See personally I don’t even know how I feel about them. Just know people who are extremes.
Because I mean personally I think I have gotten signs that I’m going to marry Bradley Cooper one day, ok so maybe it was a dream — more like a daydream but hey you can’t blame a girl. hehe = ) any how…
Sometimes this stuff just isn’t fair either. Because it’s like, you will be trying to get someone or something out of your head and bam all of the sudden a song plays on your iTunes shuffle or the radio that reminds of you of exactly what you are trying not think of. And after that, that will be all you can think of. So strange. I just get signs that tell me to be lazy sometimes, but then again we all do. Ok but jokes apart, what is up with noticing cars that you never noticed before because it just randomly reminds you of things? I just had someone complain to me about that not to long ago.
Ok well I think I just got a sign to stop writing more on this subject since I really don’t know what else to write anymore, and the topic is starting to annoy me a tad bit. Ok so that will be all for now. Maybe I will do a part 2 if something interesting strikes me. = )
Random Song Pick (Actually I got a sign from my iTunes): Mora Piya, Rajneeti
How do we know the difference of the different relationships in our lives? For instance, there is a friend that is more like a sibling. Or there is someone in your life but you don’t quite understand where they stand. There was someone in your life who at one point was a huge part of your life but now really isn’t there anymore. Is that person a friend or an acquaintance? We are always trying to define our relationships by adding labels. But why do we try to label everything? And is it possible to have relationships without labels?
When you’re young, your relationships are fairly clear. But as you grow older and you develop more relationships with others, do relationships turn into shades of gray instead of always being either black or white?
Do we always need the certainty of where someone stands in our life? And even if we have relationships without labels how long does that really last? Eventually do we end up putting a label on it?
So many questions but hmm what is really the answer? After talking to a few people I learned that well it isn’t necessary to always have relationships with labels, but then the same people confused me by bringing up the subject of how labels give a sense of security.
In today’s date where relationship standings have changed and new labels have developed, for instance – friends with benefits, frenemies, etc. that sense of label security is somehow still important. It’s less about what we tell others about our relationship status, and instead more about our own thinking of where someone stands in your life.
People who are married wear rings on their fingers and show the significance of their relationship and their commitment to each other and well others. We give a specific label of commitment with each different relationship.
Do undefinable relationships have an expiration date or do they just some how end up getting defined? Or can they remain undefinable for ever? Each relationship is different depending on the people that are in it. Whether it be between three friends, two siblings, or two people that are dating, somehow the question; what’s the label, comes up when you are meeting people in a social gathering.
So no I still don’t have a clear answer on if labels are necessary or not. Yes they give you the sense of security, but what about those relationships that are undefinable in your life. Can we really put a label on everything? Or are some relationships better left undefined?
There are times when you think you are in love with someone but what happens when the person you love isn’t in love with you but is psychotically obsessed with you?
Now personally I haven’t had someone to be psychotically obsessed with me. THANK GOD!! But there is a such thing. It’s the idea of, if I can’t have something, no one can. In this particular situation, if I can’t have someone, no one can.
Yes it’s extremely scary. So I did what I do best. Googled it…
I went on a few sites to see the reasons of how and why people get obsessed with their partner. (you should see my search history right now. LOL it’s a little funny) Then I also got some hints, so you can find out if someone is obsessed with you, and learn what you can do to stop it. Along with summarizing I am giving you the links in this post. Because people, this can become scary stuff!!
Now I’m no psychologist. Just found this topic to be interesting…
So how do you know when someone isn’t in love with you but is obsessed with you?
Well a Dr. Moore came up with a “Obsessive Love Wheel” with 4 phases in it. I am not giving you the whole cycle in this post, since it is long and indepth. But you can go on the wiki link for more info.
He states that the First Phase is the Attraction Phase:
This is what starts things off. Being hooked to a persons physical appearance without any care for the compatibility of personalities. A person has unrealistic fantasies, and it starts obsessive and controlling feelings. “Becoming “hooked on the look” of another, focusing on the person’s physical characteristics while ignoring personality differences” (Moore).
**Now on a side note there is a such thing as love addiction, which is addiction to the feeling of being in love. And sexual obsession, which is being obsessed with sex.**
Ok moving on…
My feelings: (again I am no psychologist) the person obsessed can try to make threats on them-self to scare the other person in the relationship from leaving them/making sure that the person stays in their control. So this way they can control who their partner can see and what they are allowed to do. Threats can be violent, or a person can try to use sympathy.
There have been situations where the obsession has led to someone getting hurt. And this is when love turns into obsession and obsession becomes dangerous.
Now obsession can occur in different types of relationship. For example it can happen among friends just as much as it can happen with someone you are in a relationship with. It can be with a parent, or brother/sister.
There are many different situations. But it is important to first learn and identify the issue at hand. Don’t be passive about serious red flags such as, not being allowed to talk to someone without your partners permission, not being able to wear what you want, or not getting any communication space from the other person.
Recognize the problem, acknowledge it, and get some help if you are in this situation. And that works for the people being obsessed over and the people obsessing.
So on that note, this post has come to an end.
Random Song Pick: Coming Home – Diddy ft. Skylar Grey
When you’re single you learn to focus just on yourself and learn to live for “you” and what you want to do. There is no one to answer to and no one to be coupled off with at parties. So how do you transition from living for yourself to living with someone else?
After being single for a certain amount of time does it become difficult to let your guard down, and let someone else in? A lot of time people find it difficult to involve someone else in their life on a regular basis because they are used to being independent, not because they are afraid to let their guard down. Although sometimes a past relationship can be the reason for not letting your guard down.
But I suppose it also depends on the person on the other end as well. If there is comfort then things flow naturally, but if there isn’t and you feel weird and awkward does that mean that things will always remain awkward? Or that you will feel awkward no matter who you try to date?
But one thing is for sure, if you have that, feel sick to your stomach nauseating feeling, your guard will probably never come down because you probably wont ever be comfortable with that person. So therefore it is better to get out then see where it might go. Because that nauseating feeling my friends, is a hint from yourself. And it’s saying, that this isn’t where you want or should go. So don’t settle.
Because when you start talking to someone, ok this might sound cliché but here it goes anyways; you should be feeling good excitement tingles/butterflies in your stomach, not like you are going to throw up. There is a difference. And sometimes we try to overlook it, but that usually ends how it’s suppose to end, by you ending it with that other person.
Because lets face it, if you feel like you are going to throw up when you are with someone, then how are things suppose to last with them? And this kind of sucks for the other person because they might really be into you, when you’re not. But it’s life. And that’s what you call the complications of relationships!
Going back to not knowing how to include someone new in your life, it’s definitely something that requires work. You get use to the feeling of not having to respond to anyone when you’re single, but suddenly that changes and it hits you. Someone else needs to know your whereabouts, plans, and friends. And you might feel like you have lost some amount of the independence and privacy, that you once had before.
So what’s the solution?? How do you go from living for yourself to living with someone else? I wrote a whole post and still no response.
Well in the end you just have to let the process take control. If there is someone you click well with, and don’t feel like you are going to throw up around, and the other person is just as interested in making things work as you are, then hopefully and eventually your guard might come down. If your level of comfort with someone increases, and you can act like yourself around them then that’s probably a good sign.
One day Prince Charming will come on a horse, save his princess from the evilness in her life and take her away to his castle far far away, where they will live happily ever after. Therefore she never needs to work a day in her life or worry about any of the problems in the world, well because her prince charming is there for that.
Well this is where it begins. Since the time girls are little they grow up listening to stories about evil step mothers, castles, and well life as a princess. They are taught from the beginning that they will always be dependent on the man, or some supernatural magical powers in their life, that will save them and change everything!
These stories seem all cute and fun at first but is it possible that they can have a long-term effect on a child if that child isn’t told the the truth along with the fantasy??
Girls are taught to be pretty, play with perfect looking dolls, and wait for a prince to come and take them away. While boys are taught to fight with their G.I Joe, and play with toy cars. Not needing to be dependent on anyone, besides their own will and strength power.
Girls have tea parties and make pretend tea and cookies for their friends and toys. Giving the idea that they are caretakers of the house, and are the ones that need to learn how to cook.
If times have changed, and now we know that women can do anything that a man can do, then at the age of two why are we still teaching girls to be dependent on a man, and a boy to only be dependent on himself, through the use of these carried down ideologies?
It’s ok to let your girls play with dolls and princesses, but if you teach them the reality of the world with it. Let them know that there really is no such thing as a prince, and that girls in the real world don’t look like Barbie. It’s important to teach them to be dependent on themselves, just like we teach boys through the use of these childhood toys and ideas.
We all come in different shapes, colors, and sizes and when a girl reaches a certain age she might look at her Barbie and Ken, and think why don’t I look like that? And that’s where the insecurities, issues with self-confidence, and jealousy begins. Yep, at a really young age.
Eventually girls learn that there is no Prince, and no huge castle, but from the beginning this is what we need to teach them, so their expectations aren’t set to such a high.
